Lavender Scented Memories of Crimson
by Marisa Serise
Summary: Upon moving into their new home, Ichigo discovers on accident that Renji has a secret past, which threatens to change their future in ways Ichigo has never even dreamed of. Yaoi, lemon, AU. Full notes inside.
1. Chapter 1

**Lavender Scented Memories of Crimson, a RenIchi fic**

**Disclaimer: Bleach is not mine**

**Author's Notes: I have no business starting another storyverse. I don't. I already have what, 3? 4? However, random conversations with the rockin' ladies in my fangirl circle have prompted my Muse to nudge me - AGAIN. Hence, here we go with another story. I had an urge for something a little darker, a different angle of the chessboard if you will. I wrote this RenIchi mainly because I think the dynamic can handle this type of story -- I wanted to pair my interests in BDSM with a pairing that would stand up to the challenge. **

**I'm writing a long introduction because I feel the subject matter requires it. This is not a fully light hearted story; Renji has quite a secret that Ichigo is about to "discover": the life Renji held before Ichigo came into his life. I'm inspired to tell the story for these two based on multiple sources with the same story: the challenge of "going vanilla" after being in the BDSM scene. I will be pulling Ichigo, a newbie, into this storyverse's bondage-loving community. **

**This is probably my most experimental story. I debated whether or not to actually go through and post it. If I don't post it, I won't finish it and therefore will let down my Muse, the bringer of all my good as a writer. On the other hand, if I post it, it gives you -quite- a clear picture into the way my merry little brain works, doesn't it? **

**One thing about me as a writer that I would like to get out in the open is that I primarily write for myself, and offer my stories to the public as a way for you to enjoy them as well. I don't really expect feedback per se, and I am not concerned about reviews. Given the subject matter discussed here, I'm not going to hold it against you if you skip out on this fic. (There's quite a few that have my *entire* author's account on alerts, so I am trying to be respectful to those that are looking for another style of story -- I have others, y'know :D) Also, if you just want to read along and would prefer not to say anything -- that's OK too. I'm sliding more and more into exhibitionism the more I hold a fanfic account, I swear. I don't care if ya say anything, I just wanna show off! LOL!**

**Pairings: Obviously - Renji/Ichigo. Renji is riding seme hardcore through this fic -- I know it already without even writing a single line. That's how I like my Renji, and that's probably how it'll roll until I figure Ichigo's ready to take up the reins. However -- considering that this fic pulls *both* of them back through Renji's past connections to a community, there's other pairings -- Renji-Ichigo-Grimmjow, Renji-Ichigo-Byakuya, plus some of the other "standards": Aizen/Gin, Yumi/Ikkaku -- it's a big ship happy community. It's done in a lot of "party" formats, so that's where you'll see a lot of the pairings and such. Also, there's plenty of **

**Hence, the warnings: yaoi (naturally!), threesomes, voyeurism, exhibitionism, rough play, rough language, bondage, dub con (more dub than non, as the players later on have an implied range of consent that is left unspoken) and oh, AU setting. My poor brain can't even dream of trying to put this directly into Sereitei -- not without completely smushing arcs and other things. So AU it is.**

**-bows- So, after all of that... if you would like to continue on -- the opening of this story is below. 3.**

**You know the rest by now, don't you? C'mon, say it with me now: Storytime in the place to be!**

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Ichigo didn't hate too many things in life. There was some music he wasn't a big fan of, and art that he questioned whether or not it could really be art, but other than that -- hate wasn't something that came easily to him. After losing one of the most important family members in his life, he realized that hatred only spurred more hatred, and the cycle could leave you feeling a little...hollow inside. However, after moving so many boxes into the new space he was going to call home, Ichigo couldn't help but feel a little annoyance for cardboard.

Okay, maybe a lot of annoyance.

"Ichigo! Where d'ya want me to put this stuff?"

Then again, every cloud had a silver lining. Timing the move for the summer when both of them had more free time was a smart idea. Today's silver lining wasn't in the rental truck that managed to get them back and forth across town without croaking, or in the fact that every last one of the fragile boxes seemed to be safe. It was something far simpler: a very shirtless Renji.

Ichigo felt a little guilty openly ogling his lover like that -- there were plenty of other things to appreciate about Renji besides his physique. After three years of being together, Ichigo had grown to take pleasure in Renji's deep laugh, his sharp insight and his ability to be bold and daring even in the most risky of moments. He sucked in a breath, his eyes following every ripple of Renji's chest and arms.

"Hey! This ain't a free show, Ichi!"

"Coulda fooled me."

"As much as you like looking at my hotness, would you mind unpacking some of these boxes? I want to get settled in."

"Fine."

Ichigo shrugged. The time spent unpacking would give him time to think, something he realized he needed to slow down and actually do once in a while. Thinking had paid off -- he ended up going off to university with Mizuiro, Tatsuki, Chad and Uryuu, which led to some interesting opportunities with each of them. Mizuiro needed someone to help him create art for a few advertisements, which later rolled into a real time product campaign that was still growing. In fact, it was the money from that project that was being used to close on this house, something he could have never dreamed of before getting involved with the project. He practiced karate again with Tatsuki, realizing the benefits of a trim body danced hand in hand with more stamina -- Renji was the primary beneficiary of that.

His father seemed happy that Ichigo had managed to slowly build his own little business offerings. "It's the Kurosaki way! Masaki, our son has the business thumb just like his dear old man!"

Ichigo chuckled softly at the memory. It was amusing to him, especially when he remembered all the times he had to sit and work through all of his father's invoices and try to get everything straightened out. Even though he still thought Ishida was a pain in his side, he had to admit the man had a sharp eye for accounting.

_No. I'm not even going to mention that I need him in my __**thoughts**__. Knowing my luck, he's probably a mindreader. _

He slowly unpacked every box, making sure to begin placing things where they should go. Their friends had come over the night before to move in most of the furniture, which was a rather nice gesture. Orihime had made the food -- thankfully, most of it was edible. She had gotten a random wild hair to jump into Western style cooking, and some of it wasn't half bad. Though, he would pass on turducken. There were just some places a duck shouldn't go.

He whistled a tune, thinking about all the places he had gone with Renji to as things started to improve for both of them. They had gone to Paris, to Berlin, even to Holland, though Ichigo reminded him that they were going for the famous bike rides and excellent pastries -- nothing more. He was a doctor's son, after all -- there wasn't going to be any weird substances walking home with them. Renji's odd collaboration with Shuuhei-sempai led to a crazy popular fashion line, which made Ichigo laugh.

Pairing Renji's wild tattoos and Shuuhei's 69 stamp shouldn't have been so popular, but losing some free time with Renji is worth it to see these young punks wearing that stuff.

Those tattoos of Renji's were one of the biggest things Ichigo enjoyed about Renji. There were numerous nights where he made the redhead cry his name just by running his tongue over them. Well, over every last one on Renji's body...twice. Ichigo didn't have any tattoos, but he figured that if he had them as widespread as Renji did, he would be excited too.

Ichigo sighed, realizing that as fast as he worked, there were still a lot of cardboard boxes clamoring to be opened and their contents released to the house proper.

_Damn. Hm, let me start in a different direction -- that green box might be important. _

The soft sea foam green color reminded Ichigo of their one year anniversary, where Ichigo had surprised Renji with a suit in that color. The memory of his lover in the well fitting suit with his hair fully down made him excited.

_His hair was made to be down and free, the way his spirit is. It has to be that way. _

Ichigo figured that maybe Renji had placed those pictures in the green box -- that would make sense, to remind Ichigo of their special moment time after time. He blushed slightly, still a little embarrassed at how quickly he could get mushy over the things Renji did.

_I think I'll love this man no matter what. _

He picked up the green box and noticed how heavy it was. "Whoa!" he tried to correct his steps but he didn't have the box balanced enough. It slipped out of his hands and fell onto the floor, cracking open. He saw a gush of photos spill out over the floor, and heard something rattle inside the box. He stepped closer, noticing the photos had all flipped upside down.

_Figures. Oh well, I better hurry up and put them back. Hm, I need to tell Renji to have our important pictures dup---_

His thoughts disappeared as he turned over the first picture and realized that it wasn't of him and Renji. Well, Renji was in the picture all right, but the man he was standing over so proudly _wasn't_ Ichigo.

Renji sported a look in the photo that Ichigo had never seen before. His eyes were sharper, wilder, with a strangely confident look that Ichigo felt was a little menacing. He also noticed that Renji was dressed oddly -- he wore a strange set of criss-crossing leather straps, which went over his nipples and looped back over his shoulders. This gave the viewer a clear peek at Renji's flat stomach and smooth tanned skin, with the standard tattoos as a mere bonus.

If it had just been Renji, Ichigo would have been okay. However, the second person in the picture nearly stopped his heart from pounding. It was a naked man with his hands pinned back, the only adornment on his body being a large black collar. The lack of clothing led Ichigo's eye back up to the man's wild electric blue hair, with deep blue eyes that seemed to look completely thrilled to be in the strange position shown in the photo.

_No. Renji isn't into __**that**__. We've tried. Everytime..._

Ichigo's hands shook, his temper rising. Everytime Ichigo had even mentioned adding a little spice to their love life, Renji seemed to completely back away from it.

_We don't need that stuff -- we have each other, right?_

He turned the photo over and over in his hands, feeling a strange sense of guilt and uncertainty. He wasn't sure what to think about the photo, especially when he noticed the date was far before Renji had ever turned them into a serious couple. He had no right to be upset with Renji for something that happened before they were even lovers.

Yet he found himself angry anyway, mostly over the fact that this was a piece of Renji's life that he never shared with Ichigo.

_He could have told me. I won't break, damnit. I'm not afraid...I'm not..._

There **was** a bit of fear, but it was mixed up in the hot rush of excitement that he felt too. He wasn't sure who he wanted to be more -- Renji, the controller of the situation, strong and fierce and demanding all at the same time, or the nude man bound into place underneath Renji, waiting for the next command and the next touch and the next...

"Ichigo?"

Ichigo looked up to find Renji leaning in the doorframe, a worried look on his face. "Oh, god...Ichi...I-I...I can explain...honest..."

"Why didn't you explain _before_, damnit?!"

Renji made no attempt to move, sighing softly. "I figured this day would come, Ichigo. I was just hoping you wouldn't..."

"Wouldn't what? Knock over a shitload of the little memories you kept of a life that I don't even get to know about? You know, this hurts when I realize that ...that...you rejected my attempts to try this stuff with you..."

"Because that wouldn't have been good enough for me, and I didn't want to hurt you."

Ichigo looked up in confusion. What did Renji mean? Why wasn't his attempts good enough?

Renji smiled. "I love you. Terribly, fiercely, incredibly...god, Ichi...you're the best damn thing that's happened to me. Not even the whole fashion 69 thing with Shuu has worked out as well for me as you coming into my life. But ...that life you hold in your hands...it ain't something you "try out". It truly was my life for a long time. I think it's still in me somewhere, chained up so it doesn't get out again."

"Renji? What does that all mean?"

"It's a _lifestyle_ for me, Ichigo. It's not something I want to try; it's something I want to be consumed by. Covered in. Wrapped up with. It's the most electric feeling when carried out properly and I want to take it all the way, the way I used to. But it's not worth losing you, which is why...all I have are little lavender scented memories of the crimson life I used to live."

_Lavender_. Ichigo finally realized that was the odd smell that was tickling his nose as he held the photo in his hand long enough. "Renji, we're supposed to trust each other with everything. No secrets, right? Don't you trust me enough?"

"I do. With everything else...Ichigo, I...I had someone I loved once leave because they couldn't handle ...my other life. I didn't want to lose you. I would leave the past the way it is if I could look forward to a future with you."

Ichigo smiled. This was the Renji he knew, the Renji who slumped down and over when he was feeling exceptionally in the wrong, the Renji who stumbled over words trying to keep everything he held dear in one piece.

This was the Renji he was determined to love for a hundred years -- with his only regret being he wouldn't get the chance to love him for a hundred _more_.

"Who's the guy?"

"You know him, don't you?"

Ichigo tilted the photo closer to him and looked at the picture again. "Wait... he's on TV now! Holy crap...that's..."

"Grimmjow Jeagerjacques, CEO of Sexta Enterprises. He's doing those crazy commercials for Desgarron Lock, that monthly property protection thing that's part of their Pantera line."

"Yeah, I remember the ads: we claw through your enemies for you!"

"Yeah, it's kind of lame. I told him not to go with it but ...whatever."

Ichigo laughed. "It's strange to think that that guy... would...I mean, he seems so...domineering."

"They all get that way in the vanilla world, to some extent. That's why they come to the shadow world and lose all of that on purpose. They need to escape. Escape artists are okay for a while -- sometimes they go deeper into the lifestyle, and sometimes they don't."

"The lifestyle?"

Renji began to move off the wall and come near him, keeping his movements light. He nodded. "Yes. It's a lifestyle for many of us. Ichigo...I don't have to tell the stories if you don't want me to. We can get rid of the box and pretend like this didn't happen."

Ichigo thought for a moment. Getting rid of the box was the easiest thing. It meant going back to their lives, of staying up late to watch the stars and waking up just as late to enjoy a meal they just couldn't serve at the local breakfast spot. He could go back to being the lover of a dynamic man that had a clothing line that was hipper than Ichigo would ever admit out loud, and Ichigo could continue to share artwork and advertisements and scramble Renji's head with all the new terms he learned from Mizuiro. They would still have lunch with Chad and Renji would still roll his eyes at Uryuu for Ichigo's sake. Nothing would change and things would roll forward peacefully.

Fortunately, Ichigo wasn't one for taking the easiest road.

"No, tell me. Everything."

He offered the photo to Renji, noticing the way the lavender scent seemed to transfer to Renji's body as a whole. Ichigo made the connection between the lavender scent and Renji's classic crimson mane, and realized that the memories he unlocked would take them on quite an adventure indeed.

A good thing really; Ichigo truly wasn't one for taking the easiest road, after all.

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**AN: A little short, forgive me. I rolled it off my fingers to get the Muse to release me so I could attend to a few business things (when she is insistent about a story, she will not let me go until I come to a "stopping spot" -- so I had to stumble my way through!!)**

**Yes, Grimmjow. I haven't shown Grimmy any love lately (he had an eensy space in my other fic, but it's time to let in a little Grimm, eh?) **

**No lemon just yet -- I was -going- to insert one in, but there's so much excitement and emotion and ...and...yeah. A lemon would have ruined the other set up work, so I'm just going to leave that alone. **

**I'm sort of 'letting loose' for this fic because well, I need more kink in my fic-diet anyway. Writing primarily for my own pleasure tends to lead to some interesting experiments, lemme tell ya... *winks* **

**I apologize to the native RenIchi shippers if I'm tearing up your darlings -- being the walking chessboard diva, AizenxGin is my home. I'm still, still trying to get the hang of the difference in characterizations. **

**Shh! I haven't even told the beta yet that I'm -doing- this. This is a quickwrite, and I apologize if there's a few errors I didn't grab. 3**

**Okay... I think that's all I really have to say on this story. I'm going to try to build things out slowly -- I'm committing to probably a good 30+ chapters for this fic, with a definite resolution. Being storyverse fodder, I naturally reserve the right to spinoffs and side stories :) **

**That's it from me -- comment if you like, but regardless I'm going to keep on truckin'! **


	2. Chapter 2

**Lavender Scented Memories of Crimson, a RenjixIchigo fic**

**Disclaimer: Bleach is not mine. **

**Author's Notes: Back to short AN's again. We're rolling into the heart of the story – a little setup is necessarily, but things are finally moving forward between Renji and Ichigo. **

**First scene is AiGin, and there are references to a past RenRuki. The rest of the chapter is devoted to Renji and Ichigo walking through their conflict together. **

**Warnings: Yaoi, BDSM, lemons, implied chessboard/mind games, slight angst, D/s fun**

**Oh. Storytime in the place to be? I think so!**

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The view of the city from several hundred stories up always soothed Aizen when he needed to pause and reflect. Even the best chess players took time to step back. It was not tricky moves or books that boasted listings of ultimate chess moves that made the difference between a mere player and a seasoned chess master.

It was perspective, repetition, and exceptional focus. These three things were the foundation of all the grand chess masters of the past and even the present. As far as Aizen Sousuke was concerned, the foundation of the future chess masters would not change much.

He was aware that life was a series of chessboards that each deserved their own analysis -- was it not this skill that had helped him build the Kyouka Suigetsu Corporation? He could shape his life anyway he desired after building the company to the current level they all enjoyed now. It had not been easy, but Aizen despised simple things anyway.

Thankfully, he could never have called that one simple. Not in the least.

Oh, most would have dismissed Abarai Renji without a thought, but Aizen had played enough chessboard games over the years to realize that there was a certain charm to the tall redhead. He saw the inner fire that burned far brighter than anyone ever knew -- he doubted that even Renji himself was fully aware of all the skills he brought to the table.

From the moment he had seen one of his best trainers stroll around the university with the redhead in tow, Aizen realized that he had to have him. Yet he did not want another present -- his special home was filled with willing offerings. He needed another trainer, another pair of hands that could guide, direct, shape, mold ...create something truly electric. Fire was its own form of electricity, powering change beyond most human's imagination.

He had been right -- that wasn't what surprised him. Spending idle time calculating each and every move of life increased one's accuracy quite well. What surprised him was Renji's sudden departure. He didn't accept it at all -- the redhead had a definite place in the little band of players, and it wasn't a low place.

He traced over the large ring on his finger, admiring the dance between rubies and pearls, with white gold providing the pure surface for the two jewelry components to dance together for eternity.

_Ah, Renji -- do you even wear your ring still? Do you remember what it was like when you stood on top of the world and looked down? What has entered your life that made you willing to give up everything you had here?_

"You're thinking about him again, aren't ya?"

He realized that his lover had entered the room, but he hadn't been ready to actually acknowledge him yet. The voice was soft with just a little hint of the roughness that it held when he first discovered the silver haired man.

"I do not know what you speak of, Gin."

His lover merely wrapped his arms around him from behind, pulling him close. Aizen heard the soft tinkle of the tiny bells that decorated his collar. He felt his excitement grow as he realized Gin was in the mood to play. A fellow trainer indulging in control games wasn't unheard of; many dominant types needed their own form of release that Aizen was all too happy to provide.

_Ah, Gin. My pretty switch-boy. Though you __**know**__ why I still think of him. _

What made the memory of Renji special to Aizen was the fact that deep down, Aizen was fully aware that there was no true switch mentality to Renji. During the Grand Initiation, it was true that he watched the redhead succumb to the other trainers -- who hadn't watched that spectacle? Yet even when Renji faced Zaraki Kenpachi, the fiercest trainer in the entire house, Aizen realized that Renji would never truly break. Instead, he took every experience as a challenge to his natural dominance and threw all of his resources into never truly falling apart.

_I couldn't put out that fire if I tried. It's much more beneficial to me to use that fire to best advantage. _

After all the trainers were satisfied Renji was a proper fit, he was given the status befitting any dominant in the circle and praised for his natural ability to stand tall even in the heaviest of rainstorms.

Gin was a different case entirely. Gin only wished for dominion over the lower ranks -- he deeply hungered for someone that would be worthy of his submission, and Aizen stepped that challenge like any of the others that formed the pattern of his life.

Gin broke through his thoughts again, licking his ear. "Ah, you don't have to lie to me, ya know. I know you're thinking about him. You know he left our circle, and you promised him you wouldn't pursue him. Are you breaking that now?"

"Do not be foolish. I will not pursue him. He will come back."

Aizen began to move Gin into position, his strong hands whispering over pale skin. He found himself closing his eyes and imagining tanned flesh and a cascade of tattoos that taunted and teased him.

"He will come back because it's in him too deeply. One day, it'll occur to him."

"And then, Aizen-sama?"

"What else, Gin? The games begin anew."

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_Tell me everything._

Renji gulped. This was one of his greatest fears -- facing Ichigo the day that his lover discovered the memories of his secret past life. Oh, he was smart enough to know that eventually, such things rise to the surface. He wanted to believe that he was different, that he would be able to just love Ichigo without his past creeping up to spoil everything he worked so hard for. He felt a need to protect Ichigo from the memories themselves, as if they would bubble forth and consume his orange haired lover completely.

_I'll set them all on fire, if he wants me to. He's that important to me. Yet..._

Yet he wanted to keep them, he wanted to pull the photos close and breath in those lavender scented memories and use his crimson hair to cover them up from the world at large. They didn't understand those types of memories, didn't understand that those memories were actually mere indicators of what his soul felt all the time. As a younger man, he felt guilty every time that he even came to his lovers' beds with a short length of silk rope or brought even the softest of paddles.

Discovering Shuuhei's secret life had unlocked more than Renji had ever experienced. He didn't fully remember when or why he pressed Shuuhei for more information about the ruby ring that was on his finger, or the red bordered invitations that were sticking out of the dark-haired man's messenger bag as they went over designs for clothes in their dorm room. Their shared business was still a dream back then, something that Rukia reminded him of time after time.

_Rukia._

He remembered her horrified face when she discovered the box of special toys he had received as a gift from Shuuhei, with notes about each one. It was a friendly gift that was designed to give Renji the courage he needed to begin his shadow life, but Rukia didn't see it that way.

Even when he tried to slowly invite her into his other life, he received nothing but coldness.

_I'm not into that freaky shit, baka! I wasn't raised that way!_

He had to laugh. _Wasn't raised that way?_ At the core of his shadow life was a hierarchy he couldn't ignore if he tried. Hierarchy was just more visible in his shadow life than in the surface life he shared with Rukia at the time. Considering that she was the adopted sister of Kuchiki Byakuya, the head of Kuchiki Industries and a visible part of the city's small circle of real life nobility. There were really only four noble families in the entire city, and the Kuchiki house stood head and shoulders above all others.

Kuchiki Rukia was raised in more hierarchy than she ever could imagine. He actually felt sorry for her, since she seemed incapable of actually seeing it for herself.

He couldn't actually feel too bad that their engagement had vanished after she discovered just how much of a "freak" he really was -- if she couldn't deal with all of him, she wasn't the right one to be with.

Is that why he was so afraid to tell Ichigo the full extent of his past? Those hard violet eyes of Rukia's were still in his mind as he recalled their final fight.

_"I won't marry a freak. It's ...you need to make a decision. Is this really worth losing me? The opportunities that Nii-sama would you just for taking good care of me?"_

_"Yes." _

_"What?!" _

_"Rukia, it's part of me and...I thought you would understand." _

_"It's vile, Renji. It's going to consume you. Let me help you. I know a really good therapist that handles odd sex addictions..." _

_"I'm sorry, Rukia." _

Her tears at the time had bothered him, but time had made him realize that it was the right choice. Her high level of fear over even the simplest of his bondage gear made him realize that they just weren't compatible. He hungered for something that he knew Rukia couldn't give him.

_Acceptance. _

Aside from this recent series of events, Ichigo accepted every last aspect of his life. The early stages of building the business with Shuuhei were brutal -- there were numerous nights Ichigo had found him sleeping at his desk, his hair burying the keyboard in crimson waves. When Renji got the rejection letters in the mail from distributors, it was Ichigo that came up with the idea of making "rejection snowflakes" out of all of them. They had fun sitting next to each other cutting up the letters, painting them, even putting sparkles and ribbons all over them.

Keigo had made fun of them when they had the last get-together at Renji's house before the move.

"That's so gay! Look at all that glitter!"

Renji made a show of pulling Ichigo into his arms, laughing as his orange haired lover squirmed and yelled at him. He looked over at Keigo's shocked expression. "That's the idea, Keigo...you know, being gay and all...unless you were confused."

Keigo's yell was so loud it woke up Mizuiro, who had finally managed to catch some well-needed sleep. Nobody woke up Mizuiro before he was ready to get up. Not unless you had your affairs in order.

"Renji?"

Renji looked up to find Ichigo in a loose fitting pair of pajama pants, with a book in his hand. He still had on his reading glasses, whcih gave him a look that Renji found exciting.

_Whoa, down self! I can't allow myself to get too excited...I gotta take this seriously!_

Renji patted the spot on the bed next to him. "Been waiting up for you."

Ichigo grinned. "What? Mr. Badass doesn't want to sleep alone?"

Renji rolled his eyes. "You know I like keeping my strawberry close."

"I am not a fruit!"

"Well, Ichi...actually...we kinda are."

Ichigo laughed. "I guess that's true...you are kinda tasty."

"Am I? You haven't gotten close enough to me lately to see for yourself."

"Renji! Jeez..."

"Is that too dirty for you, my dear strawberry?"

"Shut up!"

Ichigo crawled into bed, pushing his way into Renji's arms. He breathed in the light smell that was classic Renji: vanilla, sweet honey, spicy cinnamon.

_And lavender. Even though I know he's washed his hands, I still feel like I can smell it. _

"What's wrong, Ichigo?"

"Nothing. I...just remembered what happened...earlier."

"Ichigo, we don't have to talk about it..."

"Yes, we do. I ...I need to know. I'm sorry, I do. It feels like a completely new world..."

"It was for me. What do you want to know?"

"Um...what's it like? I mean...I get that it's a control thing, right?"

"To some extent. I look at it like a high form of trust -- that's what makes everything fit together. Lack of trust...destroys everything."

Ichigo felt Renji's arms stiffen around him, and he sensed there was pain hiding in and around the redhead's words.

"Somebody hurt you over this, didn't they?"

"I used to be engaged to Rukia -- you know that. I told you."

"Yeah...but she went off to America, right? Wanted to start a new division of her brother's company over there."

"That was the cover story, yes. She was running away from me after she found out about my secret."

Ichigo blinked, looking up into Renji's eyes. The pain there bothered him, made him ache for Renji.

_That's why he's so sad right now. He thinks that...I'll leave like Rukia wanted to leave. I couldn't do that to him. _

"I won't leave you...it's just...a lot."

"I don't care if you aren't into it..."

"It's not that...I just...um...well.."

Renji looked down at his lover and couldn't help but grin. "Let me guess -- you're starting to get a little turned on. Top or bottom?"

"What?"

"Sorry, I probably should back up. Did you lean more with me, or the man I had just finished restraining?"

"I ...I don't know...I mean...I want to believe that I side with you, since you look like the one in control...but ...part of me wants to be that guy you tied up too."

"At my mercy?"

"Renji..."

Ichigo blushed deeply.

_Damn, I wasn't supposed to say that. But when we're so close together and his skin feels so smooth and hot brushing over me...I can't resist._

He thought about the photo that he saw. He went back to the details he found most enticing: the look of helplessness on the man's face, the bound hands, and the smooth naked body. He noticed Renji as well, remembering the way his lover's hair roamed wild and free, contrasting well with the leather pants and straps.

"Yes, Ichigo?"

"Tell me more...I mean...what would you do to me?"

"You? But ..."

Renji paused for a moment, realizing that the glazed look in Ichigo's eyes indicated pleasure and excitement, not disgust. He knew that he still needed to take things very slowly to make sure that Ichigo wasn't overwhelmed.

"We would start out slow. I want to remove one sense at a time, so you can experience how the other senses compensate."

"How?"

Renji moved to face Ichigo head on, sliding their bodies around so he had larger access to Ichigo's body. He noticed that there was a noticeable bulge in his lover's pajama pants, and he took great pleasure in knowing that it was from talking about things that were close to Renji's heart.

He continued, moving his hands over Ichigo's face, covering his eyes slowly. "I like to take away the eyes first. People rely on their eyes too much and miss so many things, you know? I...like the way a blindfold looks over the eyes, the way there's always a little gasp that comes from fully losing your vision, if only temporarily."

"Renji...oh god..."

Renji watched Ichigo's hands move close to the fly of those pajama bottoms, opening it to begin touching himself. Renji moved again, shifting so that he could keep his hand over Ichigo's face while being able to whisper into his lover's ear directly.

"Mmm, you're lucky that you're my lover and a newcomer. I usually don't let them touch themselves, do you know that?" Renji licked Ichigo's ear softly as he spoke calmly, getting a little excited himself over the idea of slowly pulling Ichigo into a life that still stirred his soul like none other.

"Renji..."

"They don't get to say my name, either. Especially with no title. My, I'm spoiling you from the beginning, aren't I? Letting you say my name, letting you touch yourself...isn't this mine after all?"

He used his free hand to reach down and playfully push Ichigo's hand out of the way, stroking his cock slowly. It was a teasing move that made Ichigo cry out.

"Ah! I wish...I want...to see you..."

"Oh, not yet. You don't get to see me yet. Now...are you sure you want to keep going? I know this is a lot..."

"Please...please love."

Renji moaned softly, realizing that the control games of his past were now touching his present, making it more vibrant and beautiful because it was revolving around his lover. His beautiful lover, laying helpless and wanton in his arms, arching his hips into Renji's touch.

"Mm, Ichi...you have no idea how hot you look...moving to my every touch, slowly giving yourself to me... all of this is mine, isn't it?"

"Yes...if you want it..."

"Of course I want it, Ichigo. Hm, I need to give you a reward for being so good, don't I?"

"A...reward...?"

Ichigo wasn't sure what type of reward he was about to get, but he hoped it had something to do with releasing the pressure and ache generated by the combination of Renji's touch and his sexy words, filled with hunger that drove Ichigo crazy when he realized that it was hunger and lust for him and him alone.

"Yes... I'm going to let you have your release today, Ichi...as long as it's by my hand. You still want it, don't you? In fact, I think it turns you on knowing that it means you won't be able to touch yourself."

"Renji!"

Renji moved his fingers skillfully, taking time to fully arouse and tease his lover before moving forward to actually give Ichigo the release he craved.

_His face is beautiful when he's slowly rolling towards release. Even though I can't see his eyes, I know that they're filled with a hunger that goes beyond words. _

"You're beautiful, Ichi. I didn't know...you would ever let me do this...which is why...I never asked..."

"Well... I'm going to try, Renji...I trust you'll help me with stuff I don't know...but this...make me cum, Renji."

"Mm, so demanding."

"Ah! Nngh...requesting..."

"Oh?"

Renji dipped his head to suck hard on the soft flesh of Ichigo's neck. "Strange how when you're caught up with being at my mercy...it all sounds like the same beautiful thing to me."

Ichigo started to breathe hard, trying to hold on to some sort of control, what little he had left. He felt freer than he ever had during any time he had shared any sexual interaction with anyone. It was even different from the other times he had shared with Renji, something that left him feeling...

_Out of this world. _

_Renji...takes me...__**out of this world**__._

"Holding back? I told you -- this is mine, Ichigo. All of it. All of you. From the top of your head to this needy cock in my hand. You only get to hold back...when I tell you to."

Renji continued to suck and nibble on his neck, pausing to whisper something teasing in Ichigo's ear from time to time. His hand continued to stroke quickly, his hand covered in the shiny slickness of Ichigo's pre-cum juices. "Mm, besides... trust me... there will be times you'll look back on this...and be thankful I'm giving you free rein to get the release you want. Oh, I want you to yell my name so much right now, Ichigo. You can't tell me ...you don't want to just let go. I mean, look at how wet my hand is as I move it against you -- that's all you, my love. Looks like you're hungry after all."

Ichigo's whole body twitched and jerked as he was beginning to reach his peak. "Renji...nnngh...oh god...I'm cumming..."

"That's it...here...look at me...show me the eyes that belong to such a hungry and willing face..."

Renji moved his hand away from Ichigo's eyes, letting Ichigo look at him as his lover's release consumed him for the moment. His moans and loud cries were extremely erotic, and Renji fell back on his traditional discipline not to simply roll his lover over and drive into him.

_Nngh, he's a fucking natural for this shit. Why didn't I sense that? Why didn't I see the hungry, willing side that lurked just inches under the skin? _

After Ichigo finished, Renji brought up his hand to slowly taste his lover's release all over his fingers. He only took a taste, opting to dry his hands off with a towel that was hanging off to the side of the headboard. He used the towel to clean Ichigo gently, and then held his lover tightly in his arms.

_Ichigo. Every time I think there's no room for our love to grow, you give me yet another reason to love you. _

"You're...really gentle."

"Did you expect ...roughness after our scene?"

"I don't know...I guess. Isn't that how it goes?"

"It doesn't have to. Aftercare is important. If I want to build a strong bond of trust with you when it comes to all of this...then I need to take care of you before, after, and even during each of our little moments like this. Besides, I always cherish and love what's mine."

Ichigo felt sleepy and tired, but he felt guilty that Renji still seemed excited and up for more. As if hearing his silent thoughts, Renji whispered softly, "It is all right. I ...I'm okay, Ichi. I just want to hold you while you sleep."

"But...I feel bad that I got so much pleasure and you're still..."

"Tell you what. Sleep for me now, and if you still wish to give me pleasure directly I'll give you another lesson, okay?"

"Okay."

As Ichigo closed his eyes, he saw a flash of crimson and sighed happily. As long as he could reach for that crimson, he could deal with the faint smell of lavender anytime.

* * *

**AN: AH! I hit some professional writing blocks, so I decided to make another offering to the Muse. Just call me freakin' Kenpachi man, because I'm really feeling like finally getting a chance to let loose! Hiyah! **

**I realize that all writing is biased, as the writer cannot help but interject their personal beliefs into a piece. BDSM is a subject that is very near and dear to my heart -- Renji's speech about aftercare? I embrace that 100%. I'm trying not to make Ichigo TOO "stereotypical BDSM newb" -- but he really has no idea how deep the rabbit hole goes... and I'm trying to be neutral/educational about matters. **

**I know I always seem to make teacher!Renji/student!Ichigo where Renji has to sleep unsatisfied -- but I honestly felt it best to let Ichigo slowly absorb everything that's happened, rather than Renji flipping him over like a pancake and pourin' the batter, if you know what I mean. **

***blush* I'm going to wander off - I really do appreciate the views this little story has received so far. As always, if you have any questions for me, don't be afraid to ask. **

**Oh -- I'm trying to be fair to other pairings, as well as stick to the spirit of the plot I have in my head. So I apologize up front you had to wade through a little AiGin to get to your RenIchi. There are reasons why I'm doing the split scene, but the actual confrontation won't be happening for a few chapters. **

**C'mon, how could I resist a little chessboard goodness? **

**I also wanted to make Renji essentially Aizen's equal so to speak -- they are both Doms, tho it's pretty obvious Aizen holds more experience in it. The idea of Renji being a seasoned Dom though makes me a happy girl. :) **

**I like submissive!Ichigo - I'm debating on whether or not Ichigo will get some Dom moments (who doesn't like a good switch?) **

**So yeah. there's yer lemon. I didn't want to introduce the classic BDSM gear and toys yet, because I don't want to overwhelm Ichigo. :) **

**Okay okay. Enough chatter from me. *bows* Thanks for reading!**


	3. Chapter 3

**Lavender Scented Memories of Crimson, a RenjixIchigo fic**

**Disclaimer: Bleach is not mine. **

**Warnings: Implied & Overt mentions of BDSM, yaoi, voyeurism, dirty language, mature themes, slight angst, lemons, control games...yeah, think I got it all :) **

**Author's Notes: Keeping it short and sweet up here. We're rolling forward with Chapter Three. Overall, a tender chapter with hints of the game-within-the-game beginning to take shape... Full notes on the bottom, so my rambling doesn't distract you. **

**Italics denote flashbacks and thoughts. **

**Storytime in the place to be!**

* * *

_"Is that what it comes down to? **Love**?" _

_"More than that. I need to get normal again." _

_"Ah, but what you speak of ... is in you. It always will be." _

_"I am thankful for my time here, Taichou. You know this." _

_A ruby ring, the bright color matching the owner's hair almost perfectly. _

_A refusal and a scowl. "What has been given cannot be taken away like that. You are always...you. Not even I could muster the energy to extinguish that type of fire."_

_"You aren't going to stop me then?" _

_"No. All we do is a matter of choice, after all...till we meet again, Renji." _

_**"Indeed, Sousuke."**_

The dream didn't surprise Renji, especially when those events were being slowly stirred back up to the present. His final moments with Aizen Sousuke were ...balanced. It was the best word he could think of after everything that he had gone through to get to a point where he could stand and look at a man like Aizen without automatically feeling smaller than the tiniest needle or the lowest blade of grass.

_...till we meet again, Renji. _

_Ah, Aizen, you never like closing a thread, do you? _

After Rukia rejected him for his "habits", Renji had tried to go back to a straight life that didn't include control games, didn't include naked and willing men and certainly didn't include the rush and high of being absolutely...

_**Electric. **_

_That's how I felt. _

_That's how I feel even now, when all I have are these little lavender scented memories to remember my crimson life by. _

He rolled over to curl closer to Ichigo, and realized that his lover had been awake for a while. He peeked at what Ichigo was doing and laughed.

_BrickBreaker?_

_Seriously? _

_You must have been hellaciously bored, strawberry. _

Renji grinned to himself. If Ichigo was in the mood to play BrickBreaker, Renji definitely had a few balls he could play with. Just two, but Renji was assured that if Ichigo tried really hard he could unlock the special bonus.

_Hell, the way he looks when he gets up? Fuck, he doesn't have to try hard at all._

Renji watched Ichigo stick his tongue out around the corner of his mouth, his body tense with concentration.

_Damn. That blackberry is the best money I've spent in a long time. _

"Good mornin', Ichi."

Ichigo turned around to pull his partner into a strong hug. "Morning yourself. I've been up for a while. I couldn't sleep..."

Renji bit his lip, feeling bad that he was most likely the primary reason why Ichigo couldn't get a decent night's rest. There was no way around it; his desires for Ichigo were tearing up his lover, as he expected.

_Ichi, love...damnit, why does everything I touch break? _

"Renji?"

"I'm sorry, Ichi."

"Sorry? For... what? Last night?"

"Yeah..."

"Don't. Renji...don't apologize for the most amazing time of my life."

"But Ichigo...wait. WHAT?!"

Ichigo slipped a hand behind him to carefully tuck the Blackberry off to the nightstand. Mizuiro would kill him if he wasn't able to reach him for this or for that.

He could wait though -- there was more important business to attend to.

Like convincing his sexy yet oh-so-clueless lover that he actually liked what they had done last night.

"You heard me, Renji. I liked..._everything_. You were so electrifyingly sexy when you were being your most authentic self. Why do you hide it so much?"

"Cos I love ya, Ichigo. I don't want to hurt you ... that's why I hid the box to begin with."

Ichigo nodded, and then remembered his promise he made to Renji. He licked his lips and grinned as he realized that it was his turn to give Renji pleasure.

_Pleasure_. Their time last night in bed was beginning to make Ichigo question everything he knew about pleasure and then some. _If something seemed rough, yet felt good, was it really rough? _

He looked up at Renji and nodded, trying to figure out how to actually say what needed to be said. If he took the wrong tactic, Renji would feel like he was just going along with everything just to please him.

_That idiot...wait...that's __**my**__ idiot. Fuck. _

"Renji...I'm not breakable, you know. I'm human, remember? You act like...like I'm hollow inside or something." Ichigo chuckled, and moved his lover's hand to his heart. "There's no hollowness in there, Renji. Solid human flesh. That means you don't have to protect me from anything, okay? Last night...I wanted you so bad, Renji. You're...amazing..."

Renji looked into Ichigo's eyes, trying to see if there was a lie hiding in there, but there wasn't any to be found. He was surprised to find a strange hungry look hiding between those dark brown eyes of his lover's, primarily because he remembered all too well what happened last night.

_You only get to hold back...when I let you..._

_Such a hungry look on your face..._

"Um...thank you, Ichigo."

Ichigo grinned. _He's totally caught off balance_. _That's okay...I seem to like him better when he's a little...__**sideways**__._

_I better make the most of it. _

Ichigo moved his hand over Renji's chest, keeping the touch light while he explored the tanned skin slowly. He knew exactly where he wanted to go, but he also realized that Renji was still a little nervous -- all the more reason to take things slowly.

"Renji...I do believe I made you a promise last night..."

He grinned, using his hands to both relax Renji and make it clear where he was taking this. He studied the curious look on Renji's face, amused that after all this time his lover still thought he needed protection from everything and everyone.

He shrugged, focusing on the task at hand. He moved to kiss Renji fully on the lips, angling his body so he could explore Renji's mouth lightly with his tongue while his hands busily brushed down Renji's chest and abs. He enjoyed that everything under his fingers seemed so firm yet inviting all at the same time. He made sure to take his time and trace the tattoos that covered Renji's chest and sides, noticing how the pattern served as an elaborate arrow.

_I guess if I'm ever lost on how to move with Renji, I can just follow the tattoos down..._

Renji closed his eyes slightly, deeply enjoying the way Ichigo was kissing and touching him at the same time. As that soft peach-colored hand slid down his stomach, he couldn't help but moan.

_Oh god...is he really...I thought he hates that sort of thing...ahh..._

_He made sure to stay still and not move much, not wanting Ichigo to stop when that hand was so close..._

Ichigo broke the kiss quietly, moving to lick slowly along the edge of Renji's jaw. "Don't even think about trying to talk me out of it. All that talking you did yesterday...you believe that your word is your bond, right? So just...damnit just let me do this."

Renji smiled and nodded. "Go on then, Ichi..."

A sharp ring and vibrate combination pierced through their intimate moment, making Renji roll his eyes. He caught the song to some crazy shounen anime and rolled his eyes.

_Number One? Seriously? Ichigo, I'm flattered, but that song sucks. I'm tired of it already. _

He wanted to lie there and just let Ichigo continue working those magical fingers of his, but there was a chance that it was Shuuhei or even worse, a supplier calling him at the first available chance to indicate there was a problem.

"Ichigo, I ..."

"Take the call. I'll be down here if you need me...I'll be quiet..."

Renji couldn't help but gasp as he heard those words, especially when they came from Ichigo. _So damn dirty of him to say that...fuck, do I wear my fantasies on my face or something? Damn. _

He put the blackberry brick to his ear, thumbing the call button. "This is Abarai."

"Ren! Fuck man, I tried to text you last night -- what the hell is going on?"

Renji sighed in relief. It was just Shuuhei, which meant that he was about to get a tongue lashing, but it wasn't like anything could really gross out his friend in the slightest. They knew each others secrets, even the lavender-scented ones.

"Shuu...damn, man. I...well...um...nngh!"

Ichigo had started to slowly grip his cock in those soft hands, bringing soft thin lips as a delightful passenger for a ride that Renji was sure was about to blow his mind -- among other things.

_Damn, I'm on the phone...but I don't want him to stop!_

"You okay, Ren? You act like you're getting blown or something, and Ichi doesn't do that."

"I'm fine...promise. What's on your mind, Shuuhei?"

"Just wanted to catch you before you started into your day man. We need to set up a time to meet and go over all the second quarter stuff."

"Oh, boring business shit again."

He heard Shuuhei laugh, and looked down at Ichigo for a moment. His lover was running that wet tongue slowly around his cock, teasing him mercilessly. Renji noticed Ichigo bring up a hand and form it into a megaphone, waving it around for a moment.

Renji bit his tongue to keep from moaning. _Fuck...he wants me to let Shuuhei hear him...sucking me off...oh...ungh.._

He flicked the speakerphone button and set the phone close by.

Shuuhei's voice was slightly sleepy, indicating that he had gotten up early just to catch Renji. "Yep, boring business shit again, but we kind of have to be somewhat organized, Ren. You know that."

"I know...I know...mhmp...ah..ah..."

"Renji? You don't sound okay... what are you hiding...c'mon, you know I'm nosy as hell. I didn't think Ichigo would let you bring someone in..."

Renji laughed quietly to himself. Shuuhei was the biggest voyeur he had ever met in his life. They never really entered a relationship -- Ichigo was more than enough for him and Shuuhei had a few different people he was seeing at any one time -- but Shuuhei loved to listen and watch.

_Well, Shuu, you might be getting one hell of a show today..._

He looked down at Ichigo making much more noise than Renji figured was necessary, making the redhead roll his eyes. _Such a large ham now that he knows Shuuhei can hear him._

"Shuu...that's Ichigo ..."

"No way! No fucking way! You're ...ah shit, Ren! You mean your man is ..."

"Sucking me off? Yes, Shuuhei."

"I take it...oh wow...I take it that he doesn't mind me tuning in..."

"Apparently not. He was the one that asked me to put the speakerphone on."

He heard Shuuhei moan and make some sort of affirmative sound, leaving him to focus on Ichigo's sweet mouth devouring him bit by bit.

"Ichigo...oh god...I didn't think you'd be so damn good at this too...does it feel good...tell me..."

Ichigo moved his hands to stroke Renji while he let go for a moment. "It feels amazing...Renji...and then with Shuuhei listening...it feels like I'm performing for both of you..."

Shuuhei moaned loudly into the phone, then the sound became muffled. Renji figured the dark-haired man had simply shoved some fingers into his mouth. "Dirty voyeur, getting off to what's mine, eh?"

"Holy shit...you mean...him too?"

"Go easy, Shuu -- he's just starting out. But yes."

"Oh wow...he's part of it too...and that changes everything ...with him down there..."

"Yes, Shuu -- down there sucking my cock. You know, for a pervy voyeur, you don't have nearly the dirty mouth I had expected you to."

Ichigo shifted back down to pull Renji's cock right back into his mouth, making sure to keep his lips tight. He only had the memories of Renji doing this to him as a template, so he made things up as he went along. The more he got into it, he realized it wasn't any different from eating ice cream, or a lollipop -- was that way Renji's face seemed to glaze over every time Ichigo brought a pint of ice cream back home or had to see the doctor? Their family doctor seemed to get a kick out of giving him a strawberry lollipop, which he ate mainly because he didn't see the point of wasting anything. After that, there was always a fresh pint of his favorite ice cream in the freezer, and a bowl full of strawberry lollipops on the living room table.

Now he knew why.

_Damn, Renji, you're really a pervert. I think I really like you that way. _

He moved a bit faster, rolling his tongue along the length of Renji's cock while making sure to suck and taste every available area of skin he could. He moved his head like Renji would, making sure to keep everything as steady and even as possible. The taste of Renji's excitement was already running all over his tongue and he licked his lips the first time he got the opportunity to do so.

As he looked up into Renji's eyes, he realized that everything he was doing was on the right track after all.

"Ichigo...fuck...you're damned good at this...keep going...suck it, Ichi...oh uhnnn..."

They were so wrapped up in each other that they forgot all about Shuuhei being still on the phone with them. "Oh man, you two are...too hot...wow...Ren...I can't even..."

Ichigo took that as a compliment and encouragement to keep going. His strokes became more frenzied, more erratic, alternating between slow strokes that seemed too deep to be true and fast strokes that gave Ichigo the opportunity to run his tongue over the very tip of Renji's cock.

"Ichigo! You're going to fuckin' make me lose it, man!"

Ichigo smirked, nodding his head to indicate that such a thing was completely part of the plan.

Renji heard Shuuhei's muffled heavy breathing, figuring that his voyeur friend was getting close to the edge as well. Why not take the lead?

"Ichigo...I am getting close so if you want to ...I'd understand..."

Ichigo moaned softly around Renji, shaking his head. He wanted to make sure that he was doing it right, and following Renji's lead. There was something incredibly erotic to him about surrendering completely to giving Renji pleasure, as well as being watched while doing it. While Shuuhei wasn't there in the flesh, he was definitely watching them in spirit.

He let go of Renji briefly, making sure to speak at a volume where Shuuhei could hear him as well. "No way, Renji...I want...I want all of it, the whole experience...please don't hold back."

Renji groaned, twitching slightly as Ichigo brought his hands to rest in those beautiful orange spikes, much the way Ichigo would do to him while Renji tasted every last inch his lover. He decided to move slowly, making sure to slowly move Ichigo's head back over his cock. He shuddered as those soft lips made contact again, sucking softly on the tip before pausing to let Renji take over.

"The whole experience huh? You mean like this? Like watching me slide my cock in and out of that hot little mouth of yours..."

"Nngh...ahh...mmm..."

Renji grinned, remembering how excited the dirty words had his lover the night before. _Truly and completely a fuckin' natural -- smooth move, self...why didn't I realize this sooner?_

He stroked Ichigo's cheek, keeping his moves as slow as possible before he couldn't hold on anymore. "Here I go...ahh...nngh...fuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuck!" He screamed at the top of his lungs, groaning as he watched Ichigo stay still, not letting a drop of his release spill from his lips.

_Most beautiful damn thing I've ever seen in my life. _

Renji thought about all the excitement in Ichigo's eyes, the way he seemed to melt as Renji slowly folded in the control and dirty words into the strange new cake batter their relationship was turning into.

_Just because it's strange to me doesn't mean it can't be delicious. _

_Oh, Ichigo. _

Ichigo finally let him go, and settled his head on Renji's hip with a soft, satisfied sigh. "Renji...that was..."

"Let me guess: amazing?"

"Fuck you."

"I'd roll ya over and oblige, but I'm a little...spent right now."

They heard Shuuhei chuckle and whimper at the same time. Renji chuckled loudly at the phone. "Was it good for you too, Shuu?"

"Renji, you're a bastard sometimes you know that?" A pause as their voyeur caught his breath, moving a chair loudly. "I um...need to clean up. And we need to talk about a whole lot of shit other than just these second quarter plans, man."

Renji nodded. "Sure, sure. Give me a few minutes to clean up...and go for seconds." He smirked, unable to keep from teasing the voyeur.

"Seconds? Ah, fuck! Renji..."

"Oh look at the time, Hisagi-sempai! Gotta run!"

He hung up the phone carefully, grinning from ear to ear. Even if he wasn't quite up for seconds, it was always fun teasing Shuuhei with the thought. He rubbed his shoulder in preparation for the pounding the area was probably in store for when he left the house to meet up later.

As he looked at Ichigo's satisfied face, he realized that it didn't matter what was waiting for him with Shuuhei. To make Ichigo feel that good -- he'd take those blows with pride.

Ichigo was worth that much -- _and more_.

* * *

"My, so formal."

"You are without equal, Aizen-sama. Even now."

Aizen moved to brush the pale cheek of the man that was still half kneeling in front of him, slightly surprised by the cool temperature of the skin under his fingers.

"Still chilly as ever it seems, Ulquiorra."

"So it seems, Aizen-sama."

Aizen moved to sit calmly in his large executive chair, placing his hands carefully on the matching hardwood desk. "Please, sit down."

"If I may, I would prefer to stand, Aizen-sama."

"You may. Now then, how many I serve you?"

Ulquiorra watched the man in front of him carefully. The phrasing of the words seemed pleasant, but Ulquiorra knew far too much about this man to think that the phrase had the literal meaning others associated with it. The words were hollow, set in place for effect the way someone would place a prop on the set of a movie.

_So why do I still hunger for those words, even when I know how empty they are?_

"It is the other way around, Aizen-sama. I wanted to bring you the new roster that's being passed around by the others."

"I see. Anyone of note?"

"Hardly. Trash, Aizen-sama. Yet there was a name that didn't match up with the facial recognition results from the surveillance cameras."

"Be good, Ulquiorra. It's just a pseudonym -- many of our ...guests believe it keeps their identities a bit more safe. Some people must have their illusions, you know. Do you have the real name located yet?"

"I do. I also prepared you a file on the person as well. If you need nothing else at the moment, I would like to be on my way. I managed to get an appointment with another target."

Aizen leaned forward to accept the large pink file, waiting for Ulquiorra to turn and leave before he opened the folder slowly. There was no need to rush into the folder like a child tearing into a Christmas gift, so he made sure to open it with dignity.

He couldn't help but smile when he looked over the surveillance camera photos.

"Why, Kuchiki Byakuya, I think the company you keep ...might be far more than you can handle..."

He stood up to stretch and work over the details in his head. Kuchiki Byakuya 's face was more familiar to him than he wanted to admit. The nobleman was definitely beautiful, intelligent, charming ...and completely untouchable. No one could figure out what actually pressed the nobleman's buttons, leading to numerous speculations that the famous business mogul was simply lacking any buttons to press.

Aizen knew that was a lie -- everyone had buttons; triggers that could make them recoil in horror or shudder in ecstasy. As he led the secret little ring of alternative enthusiasts, he realized that new horizons could be reached by blending both sets of buttons together to create something forbidden...and utterly _decadent_.

_I learned a lot, Taichou. I really did. I also learned that I ...I have to let this go. For him. You understand, don't you?_

Aizen sighed, moving to run his fingers over an actual chess set that used to see a lot more use in days long gone by. The set was completely made of glass, with a beautiful crimson-frosted overlay for the black side, and little flecks of crimson and gold for the white side.

"_Wow, Taichou, you're letting me make the first move? Doesn't that mean I'm on top?"_

"_Whispering your fantasies out loud, Renji?"_

_Maybe I'm being selfish for not using this chessboard anymore, but I can't stand the thought of anyone touching it after him..._

He allowed himself to quietly remember the long days and nights that he taught Renji how to play his favorite game, with his fiery redheaded student taking every defeat so personally -- and using that fire to propel himself to the next game and the one after that. It was his private obsession -- to get stronger, to be better.

_You were good enough. I would have even allowed you to bring him here, if you so desired…why run?_

He waved a hand, dismissing such thoughts. There was another appointment he needed to attend to, and from the knocking on the door of his office, he assumed the appointment was actually on time.

Punctuality had a strange way of picking up his spirits quite well.

* * *

Getting to Shuuhei's house in the car was a nightmare. The highway was clogged for miles and he had been shown so many middle fingers during the trip that he could have not only made a necklace out of them, but one for every last one of his group of friends to boot.

Thankfully, Shuuhei's wide grin as they settled in over pizza made up for all the annoyances he had to put up with to get to the man's house.

"My, don't we look good. I guess I could look like that too if I started my morning the way you did."

Renji felt a little odd with his hair down, but he reminded himself it was probably due to the fact that he rarely wore his hair like that.

"It was just a blowjob, Shuuhei...don't get too worked up."

"Yeah, yeah. Anyway, I didn't think that he would actually go through with it and suck you off!"

"Whatever."

Shuuhei leaned back in his chair, studying his friend and business partner carefully. "Hey...Ren...I'm sorry if I hit a nerve. What's up?"

Renji sighed and took a sip of his drink before responding. "I don't know, Shuu. I should be fuckin' thrilled -- you know? The man's a fuckin' natural for this shit..."

"And that's the problem -- he's so enthusiastic about it that it's making you think about why you left in the first place."

Renji nodded. "Yeah. I mean, I left all of it for him in the first place -- isn't it weird that he's like, excited about all this kinky stuff?"

"Well...no...I mean, not really. You didn't really tell him you were leaving, or anything about it."

"He would have told me to stay, even if he hated it. You know Ichigo."

"Yes, I know."

Renji sighed and studied Shuuhei's hands for a moment, trying to see what had caught his attention. He blinked as he studied the ring on Shuuhei's right hand, looking at his friend questioningly.

Shuuhei held up his hands. "Whoa, just because you stopped wearing yours ...doesn't mean that I had to follow suit."

"I guess...I never paid attention to it before..."

"Well, when you were really upset about the whole thing I took it off so I wouldn't remind you...but I like having it on, Renji. I like where I've been, and that place is a second home for me..."

Renji rubbed his own hand, fingers running over the spot where he used to carry a ring like Shuuhei's, except his own had much more red to it than Shuuhei's.

"Switch, huh?"

Shuuhei nodded, tracing over the green stone in the center of his ring. "I couldn't decide, so I chose both -- much to Tousen-taichou's dismay."

"Still your taichou...even being away for so long?"

"I don't think it ever left me, Renji. I mean, I left primarily to help you feel less lonely being...outside. Yet lately...I have gone back in."

Renji paused, thinking. He couldn't be upset about Shuuhei going back to the very world that he ran screaming from. At the end of the day, everything about life was about choices -- why be upset that Shuuhei's choices were different than his?

"Has anyone said...?"

"Yes, a few people wanna know where that hot assed fukutaichou went off to, even this new guy that seemed shocked you were part of the group."

"New guy?"

"Yeah. He was with another guy...but I can't think of either of their names. They had fun with the new guy though -- they pulled these little ceramic things out of his hair -- but I had to catch an investor's meeting before I saw what they did with that sea green scarf...looked expensive, like seriously expensive."

Renji clutched his cup tightly, knowing who could possibly have an expensive silk scarf in that distinctive color.

_Fuck, why is my crimson past catching up to me?_

Shuuhei changed subjects. "Anyway, you have to field an investor's meeting for me, Ren. He wants to talk especially to you, and I don't know why, but I gotta run out of town for a convention -- I'll be showing off Fashion 69's new designs as well." He touched the tattoo on his cheek. "Almost like built in advertising, man -- they're going to love it!"

"Who's the investor guy?"

Shuuhei shrugged. "I don't know -- he kinda came out of nowhere, but he's coming with serious cash, man."

"How much?"

"3 billion yen."

"Wow. That's ...that's big. Nearly bigger than Ta...Aizen-san's investment."

"He's always going to be Taichou in your head. I know it."

Renji sighed and looked deeply into the dark green ring around Shuuhei's finger. It wasn't obvious to anyone that hadn't seen it before, but no matter how much Renji tried to look away, he couldn't help but see the symbol for 5 in kanji deeply etched inside the stone.

_Aizen-san, will I ever really be able to get away from you? And if I could have my cake and eat it too, would I even __**want**__ to?_

_

* * *

  
_

"Right, right, Uryuu. I know. I'll have a list of things that need to be purchased over to you so you can make your spreadsheet. But you know...fourth quarter isn't even here…and…FINE! Whatever!"

Ichigo sighed, shaking his head. Doing business with Mizuiro was a pleasure, but dealing with their accountant was a nightmare that not even hell wanted to have. While Uryuu's skills had improved greatly when it came to handling their company's books, his people skills hadn't experienced the same improvements.

He looked at the green box on the floor, with all the contents still spilling out.

_I should probably clean that up...and see what else is in the box. Renji knows that there's nothing in there that would change anything between us now._

He listened to Uryuu continue to berate and ridicule him while telling him about financial news he didn't care about. As long as he could write award-winning, cash-generating advertisements he wasn't concerned with the rest of it. It was too dry, anyway.

He opened the box fully, beginning to put the photos back inside. He reached in absentmindedly to straighten one of the edges when something sharp grazed the knuckle of his finger. He reached for it, curious about what could possibly be in this box that would have a sharp portion to it.

The ring resting in his palm needed polishing and cleaning, but the brilliant ruby stone in the center made it obvious the ring wasn't something low-grade at all. He brought the ring close to his eye and noticed a few slim white lines inside the stone.

_5? In kanji? What does that mean?_

"Damn you, Kurosaki! Pay attention!"

He couldn't deal with Uryuu at the moment. Something told him that ring held ore meaning, and he needed to have another conversation with Renji to find out just what was going on.

"Ishida...I'll call you back."

"But..."

"Not now, man. Please."

He breathed a sigh of relief as Ishida let him hang up the phone without too much complaint. He wondered what was it about that ring that made Renji not wear it.

_Renji, there's little point showing me these lavender scented memories of yours if I don't know what they mean..._

_**

* * *

  
**_

**AN: Obvious cliffhanger is obvious, but there was no way I have time to make another scene for this ;.; I figured 4800 words is plenty long for a new chapter anyway :) **

**Sorry for less lemon and more plotty-bits, but I need to make the connection between the life Renji has now and the life Renji enjoyed before. **

**Yes, Byakuya is all up in this as well :) The investor is not anyone in the Bleach cast -- I just needed him for a prop. :) **

**I really do appreciate your reviews for Lavender, I just suck at commenting because this system doesn't tell me who I've review-replied to and who I haven't -- ugh, that needs to be overhauled so badly! **

**I also appreciate your alerts, views, comments and faves :) I still am so surprised to find that people enjoy this story since it is a little 'out there'**

**I needed some voyeurism in my fic diet, so waves hands there we go with the Shuu/Ren/Ichi scene in the beginning. Have I earned my M rating yet? ;)**

**Italics are both thoughts / flashbacks, as always. **

**There's so much I want to say -- I mean, I had to set up so many connections...oh man. **

**Trying not to destroy Aizen's character with my ZOMG WHYYYY RENJI GO BYE BYE moments. I hope he still comes off manly. It's implied that Aizen has spent a considerable amount of time "polishing" Renji into the way he is within the storyverse, so.**

**-.- I do like the slow pacing because I think that in order to carry the plot where I want it to go, some things will take more time to be revealed. I left out Aizen's "appointment" on purpose, as well as the investor meeting Renji will be going to while Shuuhei is away. **

**Shuuhei is a switch. As far as we know, Tousen is on the D side. I won't really be making a lot of Tousen scenes because he's difficult for me to write, and this fic is already a challenge!**

**A little peaceful chapter before all the crazy chessboardy drama fun happens! :D**

**I am trying to become a better updater, but between you and me...I'm absolutely swamped at work, since I was out for several weeks (badly sprained ankle, then I sprained the OTHER one a week ago...not pretty.)**

**I do what I can, when I can :) I would rather update sporadically than give you little 500, 700, 900 word chunks that don't lead to anywhere or anything (NOT a crit against people that upload shorter chaps, but my writing style doesn't lend itself to short chapters at all. smiles)**

**I tried to keep all the running gags, story devices, and other Marisa Serise-style fic stuff in here. Did I mention how writing Ichigo and Renji's dialogue is a pain? It's funny but...heh. I'm trying. :) **

**And yes, I know -- no Gin :( Maybe I took a page out of Kubo's book and just had Gin wandering around in the background that I forgot to draw in ;) I'm just teasing, I LOVE YOU KUBO! XD**

**Okay y'all -- I gotta get back to work (yep, played a little hooky to update one of my fics, celebrating being a little bit more ahead of schedule than I expected to be), but enjoy the story and thank you for reading :)**


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